entrepreneur

Is Lack of Trust Getting in the Way of Your Success?

I felt inspired to re-publish a post today. It was inspired by a call I had with a potential client this morning. 

Before we even start, let's just pause...

In all the world, whose opinion and ideas do you trust without reservation?

Husband, wife, partner, mother, father, bestie,...?

Did you say YOU at all?

Whether we're taking decisions in our personal lives or in business, we frequently ask for the opinion of others, "What do you think I should do? What's your view?"

Nothing wrong with it. It's great to get another viewpoint. Perhaps we have missed something that's staring at us in the face that could be the perfect solution.

The problem is, it can also mess with your head.

Everyone has a different perspective, experience, belief systems grounded in social, cultural, ethnic, religious norms, their own baggage, their parents’ baggage, and their own agenda. So while it's interesting to get an alternative viewpoint, be aware that they are coming at the problem from a different place that may also work to your detriment.

I found this when I first started as a coach entrepreneur. Two respected coaches had two very different opinions and experiences regarding effective marketing. As a new entrepreneur, I was keen to learn, absorbing all the information I could to ensure my business was a success (I still do!) So I sought their opinions. The problem is, their opinions were at either ends of the spectrum. One would say one thing, the other would say the polar opposite. I was completely conflicted about what to do.

I lost self-trust, and confidence in my own intuition, and in what ‘felt good’ for me and my business, giving more weight to them and their opinions. All it did was make me procrastinate. Instead of deciding on a clear strategy, I did a 'little bit of this, and a little bit of that', a scatter-gun approach to marketing - ineffective, and spreading myself too thin.

My seeking their opinions was less about getting their perspectives as it was about me being afraid to ‘get it wrong’, to fail in some way. Perfectionism or a fear of failure and lack of self-trust simply stops us from trying, putting ourselves out there, from taking a decision, or from learning from our failures. I’m learning to quell those annoying perfectionist tendencies ("better done than perfect" is my new mantra!), but they creep back in from time to time, when I become fearful of ‘getting it wrong.’

Ultimately, in business and in life decisions, we have to trust ourselves first and foremost.

Listening word-for-word to others' advice, solicited or not, is giving up our power to someone else. Seeking opinions from more experienced people is great, but consider how their advice applies to you, your business, your life, and ask yourself, "Is this true for me?" "Does this feel right for my business/life?"

So, who do you trust most?

Feel like you need to help to trust yourself more in life and career decisions? Let’s chat to find out how you can uncover your unshakeable power and confidence so you can create your kind of wonderful in life and work

P.S. Self-trust and self-confidence can be real hurdles to women achieving success - whatever that looks like. Book a call so you can uncover your unshakeable power and confidence today.

It's Time to Change the Conversation

Women in leadership. Diversity. Gender equity. Pay parity. Women’s economic empowerment. They have all been slow to see any movement over the last 20+ years. In the 10 years since the World Economic Forum began measuring the global economic gender gap it has narrowed by only 2%.

My view is that we're looking at the symptom and not the cause.

The cause of disparity in pay, representation, and economic empowerment, in my view, is lack of self-worth & confidence in women (and men, too, to some extent). Not applying for that position because you feel you're not experienced enough? Not speaking up in meetings for fear of being wrong or ridiculed? Not taking decisions for fear of failure, success or judgement by others? Falling into another sh**ty relationship, and - worse - staying in it? Relying on external validation from colleagues, bosses, family, friends to feel valued & loved? Saying yes when you really mean no? Giving more than you receive? Not knowing how to accept help or love? Experiencing abuse of any kind (verbal, emotional, physical, sexual)? Battling health & well-being issues such as anxiety, eating disorders & addictions?

I could go on.

They all come down to lack of self-worth and self-confidence. By focusing on building self-worth & confidence we change the conversation. Relationships with others & ourselves naturally change and all the things we’re striving to change, too - diversity in leadership, gender equity, pay parity, women’s economic empowerment flow naturally when we value ourselves first.

I'm seeing this come up time and again in clients as well as in research I am conducting with women currently in corporate and those that have left - very different circumstances, but at the core in each case comes self-worth and confidence.

Is this something you can relate to?

Tell me what you think - I'd love to hear. Comment below or DM me.

And if you'd like to speak privately about your feelings of not being good enough, book a free call.

#dropthemic #changetheconversation #opendialogue #selfworth #selfconfidence #selfrespect #challengeyourstatusquo #yourkindofwonderful

Profanity Alert: "No More Sh**ty Chicken Wraps!"

Sensitive souls - look away now.

This has to be the funniest line of last week when I spent four days in the company of over 120 energetic, ambitious women entrepreneurs in the company of our mentor in Maui, Hawaii.

The line came from stylist to the stars, Sam Saboura, who gave us all guidance about branding and styling for our businesses. His anecdote described his flight from LAX to Maui stuck in a small Delta plane for 6 hours with those dry, lifeless chicken wraps for sustenance.

Sam had a lucid moment during that flight when it hit him that he deserved better than being squashed into a tiny, hard seat in Plus class, "That's it! No more shitty chicken wraps!"

Sam Saboura, Gina Devee of Divine Living Academy

Sam Saboura, Gina Devee of Divine Living Academy

Have you had a moment like that, too? 

That moment when you draw the line in the sand and decide you are not going to spend the rest of your life settling for less than you truly desire or deserve? You're no longer going to accept work you hate, and a life that's unremarkable. You're not going to say "Yes", when really you want to say "No". You're not going to say "No", when really you want to say "Yes!"

I had my own sh**ty chicken wrap moment

In my last corporate position, I had that moment, too. I knew that my life and work was becoming unremarkable and I no longer truly believed in what I was doing or the messages I had to deliver on behalf of senior leadership. I felt I was living out of integrity. I knew I was capable of more and settling for less gave me night sweats.

It was at that point, the wheels were set in motion to change up everything, to create and live my kind of wonderful. I hired a coach, and started to put the blocks in place to become qualified as a coach, leave corporate to establish my own coaching practice, and move countries to settle in Paris. I am no so grateful I am living what I created - my dream and plan were realised.

Have you had that sh**ty chicken wrap moment?

Are you ready to step into something more remarkable than where you are now?

Let's talk to see how I can support you to create and live your kind of wonderful.

What Are You Resisting?

"Your resistance to playing the game means you're out of the game"

I read this in a relationship coach's blog - it was with reference to the dating game. If you're resisting putting yourself out there, you're taking yourself out of the game of ever meeting someone; but it got me thinking...

What else could this be a reference to?

For a lot of people, including myself, being visible is an area where there is resistance - resistance to taking centre stage (preferring to lurk in the shadows or being the best damn 2IC but never stepping into the spotlight of leadership); not putting yourself out there in so many ways  - creating an extraordinary life and work, marketing yourself (or 'self-promotion' which is considered negatively), dating and relationships.

For me, I am conflicted. While I enjoy being centre stage at some level (I love public speaking and I used to do amateur dramatics), putting myself out there in my capacity as a coach challenges me. It makes me uncomfortable. Good God - what if people judge me?! (The horror!)

And being uncomfortable is exactly what we must strive for in order to effect change and to get different results.

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" Commonly attributed to Albert Einstein.

So what resistance do you feel?

What makes you uncomfortable?

How would it benefit you to feel uncomfortable more frequently?

What does the phrase bring up for you?

"I Don't Know" - What it Really Means

"I don't know"...Harmless enough response to a question, isn't it? Perhaps you use it quite frequently.

This is just a quick post to highlight what I am finding in working with my clients.

I find that the ways the response "I don't know" is most often used is not in the circumstance where somebody truly does not know the answer to the question, but in one of several other situations, such as:

  • Facing Fear: "I feel resistance to thinking about this - it may identify a fear I have that I'm not willing to face;"
  • Time versus Priority: "This is not really a priority for me to think about so let's move on;"
  • Solve My Problems: "This feels like it will take a lot of energy to think about - I want you to do it for me;"
  • Processing: "I need to digest this - it's a big idea and I don't know what to do with it right now."

On rare occasions in my business, it means "I genuinely do not know the answer to that question, but I am going to find out."

Language helps to create our reality - what you say is what you ultimately do and how you show up. "I don't know" can be seen as avoidant behaviour, procrastination, lack of creativity or desire to solve a problem - and in some cases, just plain lazy! I believe that this 'no response' response creates our reality, too - it's the thoughts behind the non-committal and ambiguous words that matter.

Before you answer "I don't know", try digging deeper - if "I don't know" wasn't a phrase, what would your response be?

Get to the real answer behind those words so you can gain greater understanding of the problem and greater self-awareness.

Want to create a different reality? Get on a call and let's see if we're a fit!

One Simple Step to Improve Your Life and Business

This is a happy coincidence...

I felt compelled to write more about gratitude and suddenly realised it's Thanksgiving this week.

Perfect timing!

Not being from a culture that celebrates this holiday and not having a religious upbringing where thanks was given at mealtimes, I can only say that looking back, my childhood was the worse off for it. In my upbringing, we often said thank you because it was the polite thing to do, without any real awareness about the impact of the words.

It is only since I have kept a daily gratitude journal that I have come to understand the real benefit of giving thanks. And studies prove that not only does everybody want to be acknowledged with thanks more often, it improves the quality of their lives as a result. Research shows that the more gratitude you express, the better you feel.

Change your environment with two words

In the workplace, how often have you heard a genuine heart-felt "Thank you" from a boss or colleague? When was the last time YOU gave authentic thanks? Whether you are in management or not, you can begin to change the environment without anyone even realising it, by simply making gratitude more commonplace amongst your colleagues.

You can change the quality of your relationship too by simply giving thanks. I have started doing this more frequently with mon amour. He has yet to learn how to accept it for the gift it is meant to be - "c'est normale!" he says (in effect, "of course I'd do that for you - it's nothing special!"), but that will come with time. (Accepting thanks is quite another thing, often tied up in not being able to receive - so practice simply saying "You're welcome" in response. Nothing more is needed).

It's almost the end of 2016, so now is a great time to look back over the year and give thanks for what has come to pass. Good or bad, giving thanks will help you to see the positive or the learning in all that has happened this year.

So, whether in personal or business life, give thanks more often.

And in keeping with this, I would like to give thanks to YOU. I have had so many messages of support through my first year in this coaching practice, words of encouragement that mean so much to me and guide me to serve you better with more of what you want and need. So...

A Big Heart-felt Thank you!

I've got some exciting things planned for 2017 and I can't wait to tell you about them!

If you want 2017 to be the year things change and you get more of what you desire, I've got something that's going to help you BIG TIME! Stay tuned.

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate.

Gobble, gobble.

PS If you know someone who might benefit from my blogs, share the love!

Entrepreneurship: 8 Secrets from the Other Side

Been thinking about becoming your own boss?

It's been over a year now that I have stepped out into entrepreneurship as a full-time coach - my own business, my own creation, my own freedom. I love it! Unreservedly, I would say to anyone contemplating the leap to absolutely do it - but be prepared.

I felt compelled today to lay out my experience which I can say also reflects that of other women entrepreneurs I have spoken with.

1. Resilience is Everything

There'll be days where you rock it out, leaping out of bed to be massively productive - on fire. There'll be days when you'll want to draw the covers over your head, hope it will all go away, so you can dream of life in a little bungalow by the sea in a hippy commune in the Tropics.

Entrepreneurship will test your resilience. Every. Single. Day. Campaigns will fail; audiences won't engage, and every day you will need to go back to look at things with fresh eyes and remain consistent. Being able to adjust, accommodate, reframe, reboot, will help you bounce back and enjoy the roller coaster ride.

"I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become." Carl Jung

2. Not everyone will 'get' you

You might be passionate about your purpose; you'll find quickly, though, that not everyone is - not your family, close friends nor even your audience. Your closest friends will be like strangers when you reach out; your acquaintances will be your biggest supporters; you'll find haters and trolls in the audience you want to serve. Don't take it personally. It is most definitely not about you - it is all about them.

If you're not passionate about your purpose, and you're in it for the money, go back to 9-to-5 - there are safer ways to make money.

"One loyal friend is worth a thousand relatives." Euripides

3. You won't be the same person you are now

Creating your own business is the greatest personal development course you can't buy. You will stumble, you will fall, you will grow, you will be humbled, you will be down on yourself, you will pick yourself up, you will know yourself better than you ever have before.

It's all part of living a life less ordinary.

"Shine bright like a diamond." Rihanna

4. Support of your spouse or partner has to be non-negotiable

Your spouse or partner may be scared of your goals and your growth - of change. They won't always understand where they fit in your Brave New World. They may be hesitant to go along for the ride, especially if it requires some level of change on their part. Make it clear from the outset that their support is non-negotiable to your success and how much it means to you to have them in your life. Appreciate them every single day. Tell them so.

"Be strong. Be fearless. Be beautiful. And believe that anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you." Misty Copeland

5. Never forget you are a business-owner

Be passionate about your purpose of course, but remember you are a business-owner first, a passionate 'x' second. The coaches and consultants that do not see financial success are frequently those that can't see past their purpose ("I just want to coach!") The sooner you learn, accept and relish that you are a business-owner first, the more quickly you will see the financial success you're looking for so you can ultimately serve your purpose bigger, better and broader for the benefit of everyone.

"A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business." Henry Ford

6. Your tribe is your life-blood

So now your base of friends has dried up because you have grown so much, you need your own tribe of people - the ones who totally 'get' you, who are experiencing the same ups and downs (or have already done so), those who know how to raise their own vibration and yours, who motivate and inspire you, and with whom you can innovate and create. It will be your tribe that pushes you to exceed all expectations including your own. They will give love when you succeed and more when you fail.

"Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames." Rumi

7. Be Resourceful - Get Resources

Entrepreneurship can be lonely especially as you start out. You are on your own - it's why you decided to be your own boss in the first place; so you could make your own decisions, create your own 'thing', reap the rewards directly. That seductive personal responsibility, accountability and creative freedom come at a price. Smart entrepreneurs appoint early on a lawyer, an accountant - and increasingly, a coach. A coach brings fresh perspectives, new ideas, challenges your thinking and behavioural patterns, without bringing a bunch of baggage to the party. Cultivating a success mindset with the help of a coach will help you to experience the sweet nectar of success - however you choose to define it. I'll be bold and say that most successful entrepreneurs have at least one coach in their pool of resources at any one time - often two.

A mastermind group will also help propel you towards the success you define. It's a group of peers that raise the bar on performance by challenging each other to create and implement goals, brainstorm ideas, and support each other with total honesty, respect and compassion. Napoleon Hill describes it in his must-read "Think and Grow Rich" as "...the coordination of knowledge and effort of two or more people, who work toward a definite purpose, in the spirit of harmony."

"It takes a village to raise a child."

8. Elevate Self-care in Priority

Listening to what you need - mind, body and soul - will keep you on top of your game. You can't give to others including your business if you have nothing left to give.

Daily rituals such as meditation, physical exercise, journalling keep you in peak condition. The days you need to get out, take time out, co-work in a cafe, walk on the beach - listen to that inspiration. Your mind, body and soul are always right.

"Self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel." Eleanor Brownn

All this and I wouldn't change it for the world!

Still interested in taking the leap into entrepreneurship?

Want to explore what's possible for you, your life and business?

Let's talk!

Who Do You Trust Most?

Before we even start, let's just pause...

In all the world, whose opinion and ideas do you trust without reservation?

Husband, wife, partner, mother, father, bestie,...?

Did you say YOU at all?

Whether we're taking decisions in our personal lives or in business, we all frequently ask for the opinion of others, "What do you think I should do? What's your view?"

Nothing wrong with it. It's great to get another viewpoint - perhaps we have missed something that's staring at us in the face that could be the perfect solution.

The problem is, it can also mess with your head.

Everyone has a different perspective, experience, belief systems grounded in social, cultural, ethnic, religious norms, their own baggage, and their own agenda. So while it's interesting to get an alternative viewpoint, be aware that they are coming at the problem from a different place which may also work to your detriment.

I found this when I first started as a coach entrepreneur. Two people I respected as friends and coaches had two very different opinions and experiences regarding effective marketing. As a new entrepreneur, I was keen to learn, absorbing all the information I could to ensure my business was a success (I still do!) So I sought these opinions out. Problem is their opinions were at either ends of the spectrum. One would say one thing, the other would say the polar opposite. 

I lost all self-trust, confidence in my own intuition and what felt good for me and my business as I gave more weight to them and their guidance. All it did was make me procrastinate. Instead of deciding on a clear strategy, I did a 'little bit of this, and a little bit of that.' Those annoying perfectionist tendencies I have learned to quell ("better done than perfect" is my new mantra!) crept back in - I was fearful of "getting it wrong."

Ultimately, in business and in life decisions, we have to trust ourselves first and foremost. Listening word-for-word and 100% to others is giving up our power to someone else. Seeking opinions from more experienced people is great, but consider how their advice applies to you, your business, your life, and ask yourself, "Is this true for me?" "Does this feel right for my business/life?"

So, tell me, who do you trust most?

Feel like you need to help to trust yourself more AS AN ENTREPRENEUR? Get on a call with me to find out how you can gain confidence SO YOU CAN stand in your power as an entrepreneur.

P.S. Self-trust can be a real hurdle to success for early stage entrepreneurs. Book a call so you can start OWNING entrepreneurship!

Thanks for the (Facebook) Memories

What Do You Do With the Facebook Memories?

Those Facebook Memories in my newsfeed kind of annoy me. "Space-fillers," I thought.

This one came in to my feed this morning, and it struck me. 12 months ago today, I took this photo (admittedly not a very good one).

It was at a luxury villa in Florence, Italy where I attended a 2-day seminar with my then soon-to-be coach and mentor.

Three weeks earlier, I had resigned from the corporate world after 20 years, with no job to go to, an idea of the business I wanted to create, and uncertainty in where I would finally settle.

This trip to Florence was not the catalyst for growth or change - that came a year or so earlier when I could no longer stand in front of my audience as a trainer in the organisation and believe and support the management messages I was required to deliver.

This trip was more like a portal into another world

It led me to a world of growth and development - the sort of thing that had been missing from my life for years. I had been comfortably sitting in my Zone of Excellence - accomplished, a top performer, but ultimately in a comfort zone, and not feeling nourished.

I realise now how in leaving the corporate world, I had to 'deconstruct' my corporate self, to reconstruct my true self.

  • The corporate self never had enough time, always racing for a project deadline or the next meeting. Ironically, in doing so, she squandered time, doing seemingly productive things in a glorification of Busy. (I can spot corporate dwellers a mile off by the pace of their speech alone - short, clipped, always under pressure).

  • The corporate self was quickly angry as a result of stress, often feeling backed into a corner, and with an apparent need to be considered a 'hard-ass' to play with the boys in a male-dominated industry. Ironically, it served her in no way at all, causing stress, anxiety and affecting personal relationships and her well-being.

  • The corporate self was hyper-critical and judgemental – of herself and others – and was WAY too concerned with what others thought of her. (Comparative performance reviews will do that to you).

  • The corporate self had ingrained that “if you have this, you can't have that” - the result of family upbringing as well as a relentless, rigorous expense control regime, and a scramble to meet budget every month. Ironically, in striving for abundance, it bred a sense of scarcity. (Every day I work on the concept that "it's all within reach").

  • The corporate self spent all her time in her head – thinking and rationalising and following process, instead of drawing on her strong intuition, and 'feeling' into decisions so she was more in alignment with her desires and how she wanted to live and work.

So you can see, it has been a big 12 months of self-discovery – yes, in my 50th year, I have “found myself”. Those who joke about it, haven't yet.

Knowing who I am (by way of non-surgical reconstruction) has got me to a place where I enjoy a purposeful business - helping others create their own opportunities is my primary driver, not money, (as a result, money flows naturally); where I have learned that I CAN have love AND money at the same time; where my thirst for travel is sated; where my desire for deep connections with friends and family are fulfilled; where I have created a life that frequently makes me feel very content.

So thank you, Facebook, for the memories. Not such a “space-filler” after all.

If you take nothing more than a moment to reflect on this and your Facebook Memories, that will make me happy. 

If you choose to turn that reflection into action by
booking a Discovery call to see how you can transform your life, that will make me ecstatic!

Peace Out, Sisters!

It strikes me as interesting that the only reason I learned that it was International Peace Day today is because Facebook created a splash of hearts when you 'heart' a post (try it! I love it and I hope they keep it!) I wonder if it is a reflection of our times that peace can be considered a bit of an afterthought and doesn't get more press.

Be a pal. Indulge me today please.

So - to do my bit for peace on this day that otherwise just might have slipped by unnoticed, I'm sharing with you some of my favourite quotes and concepts, often based on Buddhism (my way of sending a bit of love and peace out to the Universe). I can in no way call myself a Buddhist, but I like the philosophy - it makes so much damn sense!

If this is not something that jives with you, that's OK.

In the Buddhist way, I am detached - you be responsible for your thoughts and emotions; I'll be responsible for mine. Deal?

Grab a cup or glass of something and settle in.

Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding - Albert Einstein.

This ones speaks directly to the Buddhist idea of listening with compassion. Conflict and anger in all environments, come from lack of understanding. Stopping and listening with compassion allows the flames to die down and a new level of understanding to be struck. In Thich Nhat Hanh's book, 'Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames', he speaks of anger and conflict as like having your house set on fire and instead of saving the house, you run after the arsonist. Remind yourself of that as you see a conflict begin to bubble - don't attack; listen with compassion.

Ego says, "Once everything falls into place, I'll find peace". Spirit says, "Find your peace, and everything will fall into place".

Damn - this isn't Buddha but it really ought to be! Marianne Williamson, best-selling author and spiritual teacher coined this one. When I read it the first time, it hit me like a Mack truck. "EUREKA!" I thought. It's based on the Buddhist idea that "Peace comes from within; do not seek it without".

Peace begins with a smile - Mother Teresa
Click to join up!

Click to join up!

Try it - turn that frown upside down and notice what it does to your mind and body. It's remarkable, and a reminder that happiness is a choice. Ever noticed how the statues of Buddha show him with a faint little contented smile? He knew.

The mind is everything. What you think, you become - Buddha

A biggie and speaks to the power of the mind. 'Nuff said.

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results - Albert Einstein

Love this! Sits neatly with the Buddhist concept of life being a journey and every-damn-thing is a lesson. It's also a stark reminder to shake things up if you want a different outcome.

I could go on...

but I'm sparing you. I have SO many more!

I'd love to hear your own choice words of wisdom - the ones that strike a chord with you, get your brain cogs whirring, or lift your soul. Go over to my private Facebook group, Design Your Days - join up and get your revenge by commenting to your heart's content!

May the force (peace) be with you