Control

How Your Values Shape Your Life

Wow.

What a way to finish up what has been an extraordinary year - for so many reasons!

You may have been following my daily updates the last week on my Facebook page or direct to your inbox. I've been sharing insights into a couple of high level programs I've completed this year – Gina DeVee's Divine Living Academy and Tony Robbins' Date With Destiny.

The last 6 days at Date With Destiny in particular have been the most intense of my life – physically, emotionally, mentally, and yes - even spiritually.

I have learned over the last week and through 2016 so much about human behaviour, myself, and how I show up in the world. It has been immensely valuable to me personally, but it is just as valuable to you as a client in how I can help you get what you desire in life and business.

One key thing I've learned this week is the power of values – even more valuable than goals.

Values are critical

Values are our guiding principles in life. They are the emotional states that we believe are most important for us to either experience or avoid. If we're taking aim with a rifle, our values are the sight; our goals are the target. Our values influence our behaviour tremendously.

So, for example, if we're filtering everything through values that are externally focused, we'll have a sense of lack of control of our lives. An exercise I did this week showed that my existing values included Security (the emotional state of safety) as the number one. I don't know how this has come to be since I consider myself courageous – a risk-taker, adventurous. Security relies heavily on external factors – relationships, governments, entire economic systems, just for starters. However, I realise now that the emotional state of Security has caused me to play much safer in everything – my business, my personal life; generally, how I 'show up' in the world.

Values are not static

Often we consider our values to be static – they're unwavering, stoic, we're married to them. Just because we have certain values, we do not need to hold tightly onto them as if they are fixed. We can play with them, elevating those that will help us fulfil our purpose in life and goals. This is liberating to learn. It means I have been able to let go of 'stories' and rules that help meet the emotional state of Security. They keep me safe, comfortable...and small. My new top value is Health and Positive Energy for, without those, I cannot achieve anything, nor live how I desire. It is also entirely within my control; and it is so much more positive than meek old Security.

There is so much more to be said about the importance of values – this is just a sneak preview.

So, let me ask you...

  • What are your most important current Towards Values i.e. those values you pursue for a sense of well-being?
  • Will those Towards Values help you to live and work the way you desire?
  • If not, what needs to change?

Want to dive into your values and how you can shape your 2017?

Book a free call and see how you can shape 2017 to be your most successful yet

Learning to Let Go

Paris mon amour...

Paris mon amour...

I've had a strange time of it over the last 3 months. I have been living in my mother country New Zealand and enjoying its summer, though it has been something of an enforced stay. You see, the French consulate in New Zealand took away my passport while they made a decision about my suitability to grant me a French work visa. It is a rather unnerving feeling, for someone who is generally very mobile in the world - a privilege I take for granted - to have that right of mobility taken away. I have experienced enormous frustration as the process has dribbled slowly on until - hourra! - I was granted my visa just this week. These months of downtime have been a good reminder of some great learning points that can be applied to personal and career development.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it - Charles R. Swindoll

You Can't Control Everything

Speaking for myself as a recovering control freak, this is a huge lesson to learn, so obvious to many.  You can create the conditions for success and choose to succeed but ultimately other factors may come into play over which you have no control. Accepting this has been my challenge, but I must say, I feel more accomplished at it....which leads to...

Don't Worry About the Things You Cannot Control

Whether you believe in the magic of the universe or simple, practical "don't sweat the small stuff" logic, when you have no control, and you have created the conditions for success, the rest follows...and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. Letting go of the worry and anxiety has not been easy for me, but I have been able to be proactive and productive to create conditions where success was inevitable.

Trust the Process

Whether it is an administrative process such as immigration, or your own personal or career development - trust it. Slow down, and enjoy it. Leaping ahead and getting impatient can be counterproductive - rash decisions are made aiming to speed the process up that may fall foul of the ultimate goal. A small nudge of the process is useful - applying mild pressure to get things done can work wonders, provided it is a considered nudge, not done out of panic or frustration.

Keep Your Eye on the Prize

Whether you're goal-focused or talk in terms of desires and intentions, focusing your whole being on the end game - having clarity - is what will get you through. I have to say, my partner is a master at this. Even when I excitedly announced to him that I had obtained the visa, he was circumspect and unruffled, "I am happy for you, but it is simply confirmation of what I knew would happen." He never wavered in his certainty that I would be back with him in due course with a legal right to work.

Confidence, Not Fear

Things change as you work towards your "prize", your goal - that's life. Instead of responding with fear, panic and drama, get creative. It's a course corrector that can open up new possibilities if you think creatively about it and remain focused and clear on the outcome. Being absorbed by the drama of an obstacle or challenge can see you completely overlooking the simplest of solutions. This has happened twice to me in the last few months, where I became enveloped in the drama of a new obstacle. It was external parties that helped me step back from it all and suddenly see the simplicity of the solution staring at me in the face. See? Even I need coaching!

I have spent the waiting time in New Zealand organising, uncluttering, planning, writing, developing, re-learning to relinquish control, and getting ready for 2016, so it has been a productive time from that perspective. It has also given me the opportunity to spend quality time with my family - the longest stretch of time with them for 15 years, and I'm grateful for that. I am now raring to go in my business and into settling fully in France.

Next blog post will be written from my heartland, Paris.

Bisous!