Clarity

What you resist, persists. Here's the proof!

Do you have a big idea that keeps nagging at you that you try to ignore?

  • Perhaps it's a feeling that you should be doing something different with your life.

  • Perhaps it's a sense that you should be putting your hat in the ring for that C-suite role.

  • Perhaps it's your intuition telling you to explore living in that country you've always dreamed about.

But your practical side kicks in—

  • “Don't be ridiculous! You've got too many commitments where you are now.”

  • “Who are you to do step off the hamster wheel?”

  • “Better to be safe than sorry! What if you fail?”

How many times have you ignored your intuition, the rational, executive function of your brain kicking in with all sorts of reasons why you shouldn't?

It's happened to me several times.

For example, my intuition fair screamed at me to get out of a relationship. My head brain totally talked my heart and gut brains out of doing anything about it for several months; the delay caused a lot of damage, financially and emotionally.

This time, I stopped resisting something that's been nagging at me for years...

I'm writing this in the funky local café in my new Auckland neighbourhood, blazing winter sun, great coffee and music, and feeling like letting go of the resistance to return to NZ was completely the right thing to do. There are even French people working in the café so I can maintain my fluency!

I've been away from my native New Zealand for around 17 years and for a lot of that time something was pulling at me to return, but I talked louder to drown out the background noise. The thought of moving back was scary, and there were so many reasons not to do it. I don't regret being away for all that time at all. The experiences I've had have been priceless and I'll be forever connected to France and the other side of the world;

But this time I had a bodily response when the decision dropped. I could feel it in my body...

It was time...

and, I didn't fight it.

Since arriving just one month ago back in my home town of Auckland, New Zealand, opportunities are opening up—including one that has surprised even me that I might pursue (more on that later if it comes to fruition!)

The learning is that...

Resistance is futile!

Whatever it is you're resisting, that thing that keeps nagging at you will keep on at you, causing you heartache, troubled nights, a feeling of being directionless until you surrender.

Having taken leaps of faith many times before to change my life in some way—relocations (several), new careers and jobs (many), new relationships (yep!), I have many experiences to share when you work with me to take the leap of faith in your own life or career.

I'm so proud of my client, Kris and the progress she has made working with me.

“I am on a course for running my own business versus being a corporate cog and I am no longer hiding behind a persona that no longer gave me the satisfaction that I once wanted from my work. Chiefly, I am now connected to my dreams and on a realistic path to make them happen...I have a purpose, a passion and a heart-felt ambition...I don't doubt I can do what I want to do. I am not sure how, but I know I will ferret out a way and plan to do so. I am excited versus daunted or untethered by the prospect of having to do this in a different way than I have ever worked before....I know for a fact I would not be where I am now if it weren't for the work I have done with Helen.”


Can you feel her energy?

I'm so excited for her! This, from a woman that not 12 months ago was facing constant threat of redundancy, experiencing high-octane work, coping with a substance abuse habit, and staring down the barrel of another 30 years of doing the same thing which scared the be-jeezus out of her.

Now, she tells me, she feels like 30 years is not enough to do what she is so energized to do!

Is it time for you stop resisting the nagging voice?

Working with me is tailored to your needs—no off-the-shelf programs—and I'll only offer to help you if I believe I can and if we're a fit. At all times, the decision to work together is whether to do so serves your best interests.

Let's talk about where you're at and what you want to achieve.

I'd love you feel the energy about your future that Kris feels.

Contact me and let's arrange a time. (No booking links—I like to keep it personal!)

If you're not taking a risk, you're taking a risk

Don't you love that headline?

"If you're not taking a risk, you're taking a risk."

Sallie Krawcheck, founder and CEO of Ellevest, and former CEO of Merrill Lynch coined this phrase in her book Own It: The Power of Women at Work (worth a read - it's the book I wished I'd written. She got there first!)

If you're sitting in your office or cubicle thinking that your next career move will be somewhere else in the organisation, or perhaps the next step up, you're taking a career risk.

You see, the world is evolving so rapidly now that many positions that have existed for the last 40 years, even 20 years, will be automated in the future - and it is a not-too-distant future. Some will automated entirely such as assembly line workers, while others are likely to 'morph', evolve or be redefined e.g. social media managers. The future of work is uncertain, but what IS certain is that it won't look the same as it does today.

It is on US as individuals to evolve, up-skill, keep learning, develop broader interests and look outside our current domain to future-proof our careers.

Staying within a 'safe space' means you're taking a career risk. You're taking even more of a career risk if you stick only to what you know and do nothing to evolve or develop.

A great analogy is that of investing. Keeping your thousands in a savings account feels safe and that you're preserving its value. At best, it might earn 1% interest, depending on your national treasury's current interest rate.

Eating away at its value, though, are account fees, tax, and inflation - that unseen but felt factor that means your money today is not worth the same as it will be tomorrow.

The same can be said of your career. Savvy employees are 'inflation-proof-ing' their careers by taking courses in new areas of interest, extending and challenging themselves, opening their minds to new ideas and fields, and ways of working - to stay relevant.

This is not meant to be a portent of doom - it's just a jolt into reality. I invite you to look at work and your career very differently by opening up your mind to new ideas. Get creative, get clear, and get cracking!

In considering your next career move, ask yourself these questions:

  • What have you always wanted to do?
  • What did you love to do as a child?
  • What would be an ideal day for you at work?
  • What area of study interests you?
  • What would you do if you were brave?
  • What can you do all day without being aware of the time passing?

These questions prompt you to look outside the apparent safety of where you are now.

Need some help opening up your mind to the possibilities of the future? Send me a message and let's get on a call to discuss what your future career might look like.

 

 

How food can lead to leadership - seriously?

A new episode of the Womanly Art of Leadership Sessions podcast has been released and this week, I'm speaking with Dana Dinnawi, a health and well-being coach who discusses the importance of food to leadership.

What? Really?

She describes how taking charge of your food, eating 'clean' and being more mindful about it leads to better habits in other areas of your life too.

More focus.

Better clarity.

You can't give the best of yourself if you're running on empty - Dana Dinnawi.

Listen in and if you haven't already subscribed, do it here

[Case study] What your subconscious is trying to tell you

Do you overthink all the time to the point that you tie yourself in knots?

Do you hear your intuition and then override it with your conscious, rational mind?

We're finding now, in the field of neuroscience, that our conscious brains in fact get in the way of us living more contentedly. Over 90% of our thoughts every day happen in our subconscious minds, where the power is, yet it is our conscious minds that often drive our final decisions, when we second-guess ourselves, and overthink.

Case Study: Me and Your Hidden Mind today.

Background circumstances: The last week I have found myself in a situation again where I have given help to a friend. Consciously, I thought I was helping and doing the right thing, yet my subconscious knew otherwise. It was financial help, and it has put me in a place of now being concerned about the travel I have coming up in December. Can I really afford to go?

Click to watch the vid to see how my subconscious mind responded

Would you like to find out more about Your Hidden Mind?

Would you like to know how the Your Hidden Mind system, combined with coaching, can help you stress less, and become more effective and productive in your life and career?

Sign with me for a 90 day Womanly Art of Leadership program and I'll gift you a subscription to the system for the period you work with me. The powerful combination will give you even quicker results towards your goals. BOOK A CALL TO DISCUSS

Who is your inspiration?

Who is your inspiration?

Who possesses the values you most admire?

I came face-to-face with mine this weekend.

Peta Mathias has been an inspiration to me since I read an article about her in a NZ magazine perhaps 30 years ago. She is a celebrity chef, a prolific author, a broadcaster and travel addict. She combines all her passions into a unique lifestyle that serves as my inspiration, leading cooking tours to exotic countries, spending half of the year residing in NZ, the other half in her architecturally-designed home in the south of France. It is here I came face-to-face with my idol when I did a half-day cooking class led by her in her stunning house in Uzès.

When you come face-to-face with your source of inspiration. A highlight, for sure.

When you come face-to-face with your source of inspiration. A highlight, for sure.

Forty years ago, she looked up from her work as a registered nurse in the public system in NZ, and thought, "There must be more than this." She packed her bags and cooked her way around France and the world, beginning her love affair with food and La République. So many of her decisions in life resonate with me. 

She demonstrates a joie de vivre I like to live by, too.

She drinks in life.

She lives life with gusto.

It is not unheard of for her to break out into a rendition of "La Vie en Rose" by Edith Piaf after a few verres de vin rouges.

It's what I want you to ponder today. Is there more you could be making of your current circumstances? How are you playing small? Where is fear keeping you safe? How could you be drinking in more of life?

#drinkinlife #livelifewithgusto #joiedevivre

Hit reply and let me know how you want to drink in more of life.

PS Don't forget, if you sign with me this month on a 90 day program of coaching, you get a 90 mins strategy session with image and first impressions expert, Alba Gomez worth normally €300. If you want to drink in life, look the part, too! How we present ourselves to the world is so important to how we FEEL in our skin. Contact me.

What Netflix is teaching me about success...

The evenings are starting to draw in and the weather is cooler. Cue fleecy blanket, cat on lap, and on demand Netflix!

I'm watching the documentary series 'Chef's Table' - a series of interviews with the world's top chefs. Just watching their artistry and creativity in the kitchen feeds my soul (and adds to my world list of top class restaurants to try before I die - or next year, whichever comes first!)

I've noticed they all have learned the same lessons about success and we can learn a lot from them:

  1. They don't do it for the money - it's a happy by-product. I've seen this in clients too. The ones focused solely on how much money they can make do not achieve what they desire - at least not with any sense of ease and abundance. These chefs do it to share their passion with others, to make others' lives richer, and to give them a memory, a moment of happiness. The money comes in abundance but it does not drive them. (What's your purpose?)
  2. They all have passion and drive. They have a vision of what they want to create, and they are single-minded about creating it. (What's your vision?)
  3. They learn to find balance by setting strong boundaries. Many of them complain about the impact on their personal life, and it is not until they have experienced this, they learn to set strong boundaries to protect it. (How are your boundaries? What do you need to protect?)
  4. They take risks. Every day. With every meal. With every menu. And they took risks in their pursuit of excellence as world class chefs. (How are you taking risks to create what you desire?)
  5. They fail. Multiple times. And that's OK. It makes them stronger, smarter, more creative, more successful. Not starting for fear of failure was never an option. (How is fear of failure holding you back?)
  6. They have self-doubt but they get back to unshakeable self-belief quickly. They don't wallow in it. All of them have asked themselves, "What the...am I doing?!" as they open the doors on a new restaurant, to a queue of...nobody. But they persist. They go back to faith. (How is "I'm not good enough" serving you? How are you 'keeping the faith'?)
  7. They can't create something significant in life if they're not happy doing it. It is the joy of what they do that drives them to create such significance in their lives and others. (Are you LOVING what you're doing?)

Take a leaf out of the recipe books of the great chefs of the world.

Next course. Bon appétit!

PS What's your recipe for success? Haven't quite mastered the technique yet? Let's chat. Hit me with a reply about what's holding you back from the life and career you desire, and let's get on the phone.

Where did your emotions go?

OMG!

I'm loving the feedback and conversations I'm having lately in response to my blogs, posts and comments on various social media.

A recent conversation occurred on LinkedIn in response to an article published in Arianna Huffington's publication, Thrive Global. Read it here.

The author writes about the word 'should' and how it is the one word to banish from our vocabulary. I've written about this before in my blog, "There's no good in should."

There's no good in should

My comment in response to the Thrive Global article on LinkedIn was that if we have emotional connection to our goals, there is no space for 'should.'

A question from one of the LinkedIn community to me was, "Why is it some people find it easier to connect emotionally than others?"

A great question - and a big response!

We are emotional beings. Emotions are powerful and strong and big and scary and joyous all at the same time. We are taught from a very young age that emotions are to be feared "Stop crying!" "Don't shout!" "Calm down!" Boys are told not "to be a girl" with their emotions, and girls are told to stop being so emotional. Whichever gender you are, there is no place for emotion in our upbringing.

Does that go some way in answering the question?

Through the years, we lose touch with our emotions, to the point that when asked to recall a memory, some people profess to feel nothing, despite the fact that it is impossible for us to recall a memory without experiencing some emotion. It is simply that we have learned to ignore it, stamp it out, not recognise the emotion. To open ourselves up to these emotions is how we can connect emotionally, not just to goals, but to our relationships, to our decisions, to our intuition.

Emotions are a powerful tool in living our lives and creating careers that are exactly as we desire.

No 'shoulds' required when you're emotionally connected to the outcome.

Bisous x

P.S. I'd love to hear about your experience - do you 'should' yourself? Is what you're 'should-ing' yourself about really something you desire or feel emotionally connected to? Let me know. Message or email me.

P.P.S. If you'd like to discuss a way of having fewer 'shoulds' in your life so you can create a life and career you LOVE, and step into your power and confidence, message or email me. I won't send any booking links - let's keep it personal.

How often do you say ‘Yes’ when you really mean ‘No?’

Does this happen to you?

  • You are invited to a dinner that you really don’t want to go to, but you find yourself saying ‘Yes’, then you make some convoluted excuse later to say you can’t make it ( - white lies are OK, right?)

  • Your boss consistently asks you to stay late. If it was just for the period of the project, you’d be OK with it, but now it’s happening all the time. You find yourself agreeing to it, then resenting the decision - and worse, it doesn’t feel like there is any way out.

Hey, I’ve always had problems with setting and standing by boundaries. In avoiding conflict, and trying to keep others happy (‘people-pleasing’ and being “the Good Girl”), I have put my own needs and - yes, even safety - in the back seat. I have made some poor decisions in the past, both personally and professionally, thinking that saying ‘Yes’ was the path of least resistance, avoiding conflict, and ultimately keeping others happy, but not me. I haven’t allowed MY truth to live and breath.

  • Like the time a friend came to stay for a month, and ended up staying a year. Even when I talked to him about moving out, that I needed my space back, it fell on deaf ears, and I got on with making the best of a bad situation.
  • Like the times I accepted a measly $1,000 raise, or - worse, no raise at all despite being a top performer. Instead of confronting it head on, I resentfully accepted the situation, walking away feeling undervalued and unrecognised for my contribution.
  • Like the times I allowed my thoroughly-prepared, practiced, and strategically important presentation to my colleagues in the leadership team to be bumped from the agenda during our 3 day offsite.
  • Like the times I allowed myself in my personal life to tolerate the type of treatment that if a friend told me she was tolerating, I’d have said, “Get. Out. Now,” with the compassion and love she deserved.

Well, I’m getting lots of universal lessons showing up to test the strength of my boundaries right now - courtesy online dating!!

Holy…

It’s a whole new ball game. I’ve created a very clear vision of what I am looking for in a relationship (and in particular how I desire to feel), and what is acceptable and what is not. I find that at every moment, I need to be very aware of these ‘mini-challenges’ being sent my way so I can respond differently - saying ‘No’ when, actually, that’s EXACTLY what I want to say. Do I want to see you again? “You know what? I had a nice time, but no - no, I do not want to see you again. Thank you. “ It also requires me tuning into how I FEEL in this person’s company, instead of letting my rational mind take over with, “Well, perhaps he’s having a bad day,” or “Perhaps, it’ll be different next time.”

It’s a muscle I’m flexing, getting stronger, being clear about what I want to create, and what feels good to me, instead of worrying so much about how others might respond or being the “Good Girl.”

Having that clarity about what I desire has led to a surprisingly enjoyable date with an utter gentleman who I would not normally have been interested in. I said ‘Yes’ to how I want to feel; ‘No’ to the crumbs or sloppy treatment others are offering me.

Is saying ‘Yes’ when you mean to say ‘No’ something you find yourself doing repeatedly?

Here is my mini-challenge to you: next time you feel like this, do things differently, and...Just. Say. No. One small step at a time.

I’d love to hear if this all sounds familiar or about the mini-successes you experience putting your needs and desires first. Hit reply, or go over to my private FB group - join up and share there.

Wish me bon courage in the online world! :D

Big love x

How you can transform your decision-making

Hello you!

I've spent the last week in nothing short of transformation.

A week in gorgeous and surprising Mallorca with my high-level mentor and about 100 other women entrepreneurs. If you've seen previous posts, you'll have seen that in Maui earlier this year, I had a transformation on-stage that literally changed my business focus. This time - yes, I got on stage again!

Here's what I got out of my week.

In the coaching world, we're always talking about mindset - and I agree, a great mindset changes everything in our life and career. Being able to flip the switch from negative to positive takes some skill and constant energy.

What I realised this week is that mindset - the concept of wrestling with the mind to quieten the inner critic voices - is still very much a masculine construct. It's an idea based around control.

I want you to listen to your heart.

Whether you call it your intuition, instinct or gut, it's this feminine and often under-developed part of us that truly knows what the soul needs, but our mind chatters away over the top. So, getting practiced at tuning into the heart allows us to elevate the importance of this feeling, which in turn naturally drowns out the chatter. There is no need for control or suppression. It is about being open and tuning into your heart in a bodily way - how does it feel as you take a decision?

That is a much more pleasurable daily practice.

So I encourage you to stop thinking, stop controlling, stop doing, and start listening to your heart. It is wise beyond words and knows what your soul needs. It requires stillness to listen closely.

How do you do that?

Start by sitting still and quietly, simply breathing in deeply three times when you're faced with a choice or a decision, feel the sensations in your body - where and what do you feel? Go with whatever comes up. Don't question it; don't second-guess it; just go with it. When we act in true alignment with what our soul needs, the frenetic buzzing in the head will simply melt away.

I'd love to hear how you go with this practice. It's transformational!

Go over to my Facebook page and ask to join my private group Design Your Days - Life & Work on Your Terms and share what you find in this practice.

Bisous x

6 Reasons Why Coaching With Me May Not Be For You

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I’ve had a number of instances recently where the decision at the end of the call from the client is “I’ll think about it”.

Danger zone.

There are numerous apparently sound reasons potential clients say they’ll think about something, for example:

  1. They haven’t heard enough yet of how they will benefit from working with me;

  2. They have 'people pleasing' tendencies and they fear asserting themselves by saying “No”;

  3. They procrastinate:

    • In fear of what might come after they’ve taken a decision - failure, success, change of some description;

    • Because it is uncomfortable for them to consider taking the unusual step of investing in themselves;

    • Because saying they haven’t got the money is a ready excuse that most people accept in this world where a scarcity mindset prevails;

Except for reason number 1, which is entirely up to me to convey clearly, all of the others are the very reasons you SHOULD get coaching. The way you perceive yourself and your habitual behavioural and thought patterns that prevail on a daily basis discreetly prevent you from living and working exactly as you desire, stepping powerfully and confidently into what COULD be for you.

In case you don’t feel you have enough excuses at hand as to why you should NOT work with me, let me give you some more to add to the mix:

1. I challenge you to think and act differently

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

One of my all-time favourite quotes attributed to Einstein. If you want different results in your life and work, you need to approach the challenges and problems differently. That’s what we do together, and that can be scary for some; expansive and enlightening for others;

2. I’ll call you out on your BS

Without even realising it, we put our shields up or create stories to justify our behaviours and inaction. Worse, sometimes we do realise what we’re doing, but we have got away with it for so many years, we’ve been able to manipulate those around us to protect ourselves. It’s all done with good intention and it also keeps us away from what we really desire. Na-ah - not on my watch. I’ll call you out if and when I see you’re trying to fool yourself and others.

3. I won’t sugar-coat things

There are a lot of other coaches that will be 'softly-softly' with you. When I see my client needs compassion, and a safe haven to express their thoughts, emotions and needs, I’m there with the snuggly rug and the hot chocolate. At the same time, you came to me for transformation - to effect changes in your life so you could finally live and work as you desire with unshakeable power and confidence. That doesn’t happen exclusively on hot chocolate.

4. I’ll hold you accountable

You’re a results-driven kinda gal - me too. Listen, I love you, but I don’t intend for this to be a life-long, co-dependent coaching relationship. I’m guiding you to think for yourself - smarter, more creatively, and to take conscious decisions about your life and work. That requires accountability and if you miss appointments or don’t do the work required, I’ll pull you up on it. I’m doing it to serve YOU because my only goal is your transformation.

5. It’ll be uncomfortable at times

How do I know? Many clients who are beginning to see results in coaching hit the 'breakdown' before the 'breakthrough'. It’s ironic - you have to feel worse, before you can feel better. How else do I know? Because I hold the mirror up to myself - the way I think, feel and act every single day to grow, to improve my relationships with myself and others, and my life and work, so I can serve my clients better, too. It is painful at times, and ugly, and vulnerable and sometimes even a little scary. I commit myself to your growth, as I commit to my own, and as I need you to commit to yours.

6. We’ll have FUN as we work together to create your kind of wonderful life and work.

You still with me?

That all being said, where there is darkness there is light; and I love a laugh! There is serious business to be done in working on your transformation, and there is a lot of lightness to be enjoyed, too.

So - if you’re still thinking about it, by all means do; and challenge yourself to dig deeper and question what is driving that statement.

If you’re still sitting on the fence, let's get on a call and we can talk it all through.

PS. This is not a high-pressure sales call - it’s me and you creating the best decision for YOU! If that means we work together, I’d be over the moon! If that means you decide to work with another coach, I’m happy for you. If you decide to do nothing, let’s keep in touch. When you’re ready, you’ll know. Let’s get on a call.