Who drives your behaviour in any given moment?
The victim? "Why has this happened to me again?"
The martyr? "FINE! I'LL do it!"
The boss lady? "This is what I would like you to do, and I would like you to do it ASAP."
A few weeks ago, I did a training on archetypes (if you missed it, catch it here. It's 9 mins long), and in particular, our light and dark characters that drive our behaviour.
Being aware of these characters, knowing when they show up, and being able to use them in a way that's beneficial is key to self-mastery (which is also key to effective leadership, as it happens).
One of my archetypes is Little Miss Judge-y.
She used to show up like this:
"Ooo - should she?" as I nodded sideways at a fashion victim wearing something that in my opinion doesn't work.
"Ooo - he really shouldn't have said that!" as a colleague admits to not being sure about what he is doing on a project (aka vulnerability; cue: eye-roll).
"I'm just going to sit here with my arms tightly crossed over my chest rather than contribute to this conversation in front of everyone," in other words, "The way I judge others is the way I fear they will judge me."
Little Miss Judge-y crops up from time to time still, but not nearly so much. And I'm grateful she doesn't because...
How you judge others is how you judge yourself.
The way you do one thing is the way you do everything.
Judgement like this stops you from going for what you want in life and career, being more confident, speaking up and being heard. I was reminded of how much judgement exists in the corporate world when I worked with a team recently. A very nice, close-knit team, but when it came to showing their vulnerability or sharing anything other than financial results, they clammed shut. Doing that would risk from their peers the type of judgement they eschew on others.
Do you recognise that environment of judgement?
Here's what I recommend.
Stop judging yourself first.
Be aware of when Little Miss Judge-y turns up, and know that, she might be funny sometimes, (I mean, who hasn't enjoyed getting together with a friend and picking someone apart!) but her presence means you are judging yourself in the same harsh way.
And that ain't good.
It's not loving on you.
It's not helping you live and work and achieve all you desire.
It's stopping you from being visible - to yourself and others.
Need help with putting Little Miss Judge-y in a box? Want to feel more confident and stop being a shrinking violet? Book a call and let's discuss how you relieve Little Miss Judge-y of her post.